omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
