Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
