My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dear god my vagina.
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