There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
