Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
