it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
