How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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