If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
