Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
