I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Michael Bay diarrhea
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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