Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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