I'd wear matching sweaters with you
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
