Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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