Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
