i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Your cock deserves a montage
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
