So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
