I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
