Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
