wat bout pragnant strippers??
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
