I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
