A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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