I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
