About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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