You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
