I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
