there's paper in my vomit.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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