Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
