so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
