Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
