It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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