My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
