you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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