I wish I only lived at night.
i barfeds in our rink
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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