i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
