went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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