I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
