i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
stop calling my apartment porn island.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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