Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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