no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
