you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
