The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Semen is not good for contacts.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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