I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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