guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Less talking, more tequila
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
