if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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