I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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