who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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