I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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