two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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