I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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