i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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